Shakespeare’s Insults
Shakespeare’s 5 Most Savage Insults (and How to Use Them)
If William Shakespeare were alive today, he’d be running a wildly successful Twitter account dedicated to devastating comebacks. The Bard had a way with words, and his insults were absolute works of art. Whether you need a witty comeback for an online debate or just want to sound extra cultured while roasting your friends, here are five of Shakespeare’s most savage insults—and how you can use them today.
1. “Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle.” (King Lear, Act 2, Scene 2)
Modern Usage: The next time someone keeps sending you unsolicited advice, hit them with this delightful comparison. It’s a poetic way of saying, “You are the human equivalent of a stubborn zit.”
2. “More of your conversation would infect my brain.” (Coriolanus, Act 2, Scene 1)
Modern Usage: Perfect for when someone is talking absolute nonsense in a meeting or a group chat. Shakespeare had a talent for making “please stop talking” sound elegant and devastating at the same time.
3. “Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous.” (As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 1)
Modern Usage: For that one person who always has something toxic to say. Bonus points if you deliver it with a dramatic flourish.
4. “I do desire we may be better strangers.” (As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 2)
Modern Usage: A classy way to tell someone you never, ever want to see them again. Works great as a polite yet lethal goodbye.
5. “I am sick when I do look on thee.” (A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 2, Scene 1)
Modern Usage: For when someone posts a take so bad on social media that it makes you physically ill.
Why Shakespeare’s Insults Still Work Today
Shakespeare’s burns are timeless because they’re both creative and devastatingly specific. He didn’t just call someone dumb—he compared them to the most unpleasant thing he could think of. If you want to elevate your clapbacks, take a page out of his book (or, you know, complete works).
References:
- Crystal, David. Shakespeare’s Words: A Glossary & Language Companion. Penguin Books, 2002.
- Greenblatt, Stephen. Will in the World: How Shakespeare Became Shakespeare. W.W. Norton & Company, 2004.
- McInnis, David. Shakespeare and the Renaissance Stage. Cambridge University Press, 2018.
